This groom sold tickets to his proposal
Peter J. Fitzpatrick Jr., and Barry A. Miller Jr.
May 6, 2017
THE INTRODUCTION: Peter J. Fitzpatrick Jr. and Barry A. Miller Jr. met in September 2011 through a mutual friend, David Ruth. Barry was dating David, who was a friend of Peter's and they were all going out with a group of friends that night. Delaware native Peter was 27 at the time, living in Newark and working as a brand manager for the family home improvement company, P.J. Fitzpatrick Inc. Barry was 25, living in Newark and working as a credit analyst for preferred customers for Bank of America. They were cordial to each other that night after meeting at Barry's house when the group dropped by to pick him up, but not particularly friendly. Barry and David would break up soon after, and Peter and Barry would see each other around Newark at various restaurants and events and would exchange pleasantries. Both were on the OkCupid dating site, and in November 2012, Peter messaged Barry and asked how he was and whether he might like to go out sometime, grab a drink and catch up. They agreed to meet at Peter's house for wine and a movie.
THE FIRST DATE: On Nov. 19 at Peter's house, they were surprised to find out that each thought the other never really liked him. That had never been the case, they learned. They went on to watch one of the "Resident Evil" movies that night. And they agreed to an official dinner and movie date later in the week.
STORY: He asked her to sit on his lap; next stop, the altar
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THE FIRST KISS: They kissed at the end of that first night at Peter's house, and went on to enjoy themselves at Iron Hill and then the last installment of the Twilight series. They continued dating and in early December, at dinner at Mrs. Robino's in Little Italy, one of Peter's childhood favorites, Peter casually mentioned that they were going to a small annual Christmas party at the home of his sister, Theresa Stover. "Your sister's house?" Barry asked. They hadn't met each other's families yet. Don't worry, Peter told him; it'll just be a couple of my sisters. But this was the year that Peter's father, stepmother, every sibling on his father's side and a bunch of cousins showed up. "Luckily, I'm a social individual," Barry says. "I was able to mingle. And there was plenty of wine." They dated steadily from that point. Peter says Barry was fun to be with and didn't worry much about what others thought of him. He came to believe Barry's worst fault was that he wanted to spend more time with Peter, who likes his downtime. Peter came to realize that was a great characteristic, especially if it was the worst thing he could say about him. Barry liked Peter's light blue eyes, because Barry believes someone's eyes tell you a lot about them. They both came from big families, Barry from a family of six and Peter has 11 siblings. Barry really liked the way Peter's family was able to be close knit and yet respectful of privacy and time. By 2015, they had talked about marriage, but Peter insisted he wanted to wait before even seriously considering it.
THE PROPOSAL: Peter and Barry had worked with AIDS Delaware for years on Imagine, the charity's signature fundraiser. For the Feb. 28, 2015, show, Peter had agreed to be a ringmaster emcee and asked the organizers if he could propose at the end of the presentations, or if they felt that would skew the evening's focus. "I'm pretty sure I can get you a lot more tickets sold," he said. They agreed. All of Peter's family knew the plan and bought tickets. Barry's parents also bought tickets, but they didn't know. Peter also made sure that Barry was kept busy with raffle prizes so he wouldn't be attune to any little oddities. As soon as Peter's hosting duties were done, he dashed upstairs to change into a suit and wash off his makeup, and his phone started lighting up. "Barry is getting impatient." "Barry is getting suspicious." So he dashed back down. "Why did you change," Barry demanded. "We need to do these announcements." Peter helped announced names and then started talking about how the organizers were like family after meeting every two weeks for years. And then, extraordinarily nervous, he was only talking about Barry and how much Barry meant to Peter, and then Peter dropped to one knee and asked in front of the 200-plus guests if Barry would like to marry him. Barry was surprised, as were his parents, but he told Peter, "I do." Peter had a ring custom made for Barry that included diamonds and sapphires, which Barry loves because they remind him of his grandmother. Peter says he chose a subdued masculine style with a smaller sapphire because he felt a larger stone would would have been ostentatious and too feminine. As it turns out, Peter says, Barry would have been OK with a bigger sapphire. "Maybe for the 10th anniversary," Peter says. Barry gave him a cobalt ring.
THE CEREMONY: They married May 6, 2017, at Bellevue Mansion at Bellevue State Park. They chose that venue partly because Peter had grown up on Brandywine Boulevard nearby and often went to that park as a child. They loved the mansion. Once a year, Peter puts on a murder mystery, complete with characters and clues, and the house looks like the setting for one. They wanted a unique nontraditional service in which they said things they meant and did not simply repeat rote ritual language. Their ceremony was written by Kyle McCormick, Peter's longtime friend and writing partner in the murder mysteries, who also officiated. The grooms wrote their own vows. Peter tied in some gaming humor and emphasized how he came to realize that the worst thing about Barry wasn't so bad. Peter also talked about how he didn't believe in fate, but their paths crossed so many times, they seemed destined for each other. Barry talked about what Peter meant to him and how they don't say "I love you." They say, "Rawgle," a word they made up in the vein of "roar in Dinosaur means I love you." Both grooms had men and women as attendants. Peter's best friend Robert Lundgren was his best man and his sister Stephanie Adams (whose wedding was also featured here and who is now expecting her first child) was his matron of honor. Barry's best friend since seventh grade, Joanna DiPaola, was his maid of honor and his sister Crystal was the other honor attendant.
THE ATTIRE: They did not want matching outfits, partly because they have very different styles. Peter wore a tuxedo and Barry wore a dark suit, which he accessorized with two custom-made bowties. The bowtie for the ceremony was made in Germany of black and white feathers. He changed into a white one with a black center for the reception, because he realized the feather one wasn't likely to survive a lot of hugging. Peter had video-game custom cufflinks made for himself and his groomsmen. All the men wore dark suits and the groomswomen wore eggplant-colored gowns.
THE RECEPTION: They tented the front lawn of Bellevue Hall and included a black and white checkered dance floor. They also cut a cake, but because Pete is allergic to eggs and milk, he asked his best man, Rob, to sub for him and allow Barry to feed him cake.
MOST POPULAR GIFTS: Three salad spinners and several picture frames
THE MOST SENTIMENTAL GIFTS: Their friend Talia Goren wrote a song, "You and I," for them and performed it at the wedding. She also had the words printed and framed for them and is in the process of having a recording made.
THE HONEYMOON: They took a road trip to New England, hitting Newport, Rhode Island; Boston, Massachusetts; Bangor, Portland and Acadia, Maine; White Mountain, New Hampshire; and Burlington, Vermont.
THE FAMILY TREE: Peter is the son of Marie and Peter Fitzpatrick Sr. of Wilmington and Cynthia and Daniel Brown of Dagsboro, Delaware. Barry is the son of Linda and Barry Miller Sr. of Port Deposit, Maryland.
WHAT'S NEXT: The newlyweds live in Newark, where they hope to buy a home downtown. Barry, who grew up in Maryland and attended Cecil College in education, is now a fraud team manager at Bank of America. Peter, who grew up in North Wilmington and attended Salesianum School and the University of Delaware, is the customer experience manager at PJ Fitzpatrick. They hope to adopt a Blue French Bulldog, but Peter has told Barry the dog must wait until after they buy a house. Barry's first choice of a pet was a Great Dane. Peter nixed it, telling him any dog had to be below the knee.
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